We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Now, onto today's topic: the dos and don'ts of dating someone who has HPV.

Q: The guy I'm dating was unknowingly given HPV by his previous partner. He let me know about it right when we started dating, before we had sex. He feels like he’s damaged goods and has to live under a rock the rest of his life. How do I help him feel better about this? I hate seeing him so upset.

A: Thanks for the question! Sexually transmitted infections are incredibly common, so this is an issue that a lot of people out there will have to deal with at one point in their lives. Here are seven do’s and don’ts for dating someone who has HPV — though many of these tips would apply to dating someone with any STI.

Out of all of these websites, H-date is the most inexpensive dating and support site for those who have Herpes and HPV. They thrive on your insecurities because they are very good at convincing you that you can still have a love life.

• The site was started in 2011 and is one of the youngest HPV dating sites segment. The premium membership has the full feature set on the table as compared to the free standard membership. Although the site was started recently, it has managed to grab more attention for users also, experts from the immensely popular west.
• HPV Chat is part of the chat network, which includes many other general and hpv chat sites. As a member of HPV Chat, your profile will automatically be shown on related hpv chat sites or to related users in the network at no additional charge. For more information on how this works, click here. Support; FAQ/Help; Contact Us; Internet Dating.

Do: Thank Them For Being Honest

Genital Warts Dating Site

Unfortunately, there’s a pretty big stigma that comes along with having a sexually transmitted infection. Because of that, a lot of people with STIs are hesitant to inform their partners. Other people want to refuse to attend to their symptoms or acknowledge their STI status altogether.

That’s how your partner wound up in this situation in the first place. His willingness to let you know that he has HPV was really brave. If you haven’t already, thank him for being truthful with you. Say something like, “that must have been really hard to tell me. I want you to know that I appreciate it.”

Don’t: Stigmatize

People make a lot of judgments and assumptions about people with sexually transmitted infections, but STIs are so prevalent these days that there really are no widespread patterns in the people who contract them. You can get an STI regardless of your race, class, education, sexual orientation, age, or number of partners (unless you’re completely celibate of course). Even people who are vigilant about practicing safe sex can wind up with a sexually transmitted infection. The fact that the person you’re with has an STI says nothing about who they are as a person, so try to fight any judgments you might be inclined to make.

Do: Sympathize

It really sucks that your partner was given HPV unknowingly. I’m not sure if his past partner knew about their status or not, but it’s a bummer either way. One of the best ways you can put your guy at ease is to let him share his story with you and tell him that you feel for him.

If it feels comfortable, you can ask him questions like, “how did you find out?” and “what was your reaction?” He may not have had the opportunity to talk to someone about his status, so sharing with you can feel like a huge weight off his back. You can share your sympathy with simple statements like, “I’m so sorry that happened to you” or “you didn’t deserve that.”

Don’t: Catastrophize

One of the things you might learn during your research is that having an STI doesn’t have to be the end of the world. Many STIs can be treated with a simple course of antibiotics. Some are completely asymptomatic. HPV gets a bad rap, but did you know that many strains of HPV can be completely cleared by your body without causing any ill effects? Also, HPV is so common that almost every sexually active adult will get a strain of it at one point in their lives. No one wants to get an STI, but the reality is that you can still have a perfectly happy and exciting life inside and outside of the bedroom.

Do: Educate Yourself

This is a great opportunity for you to learn more about sexually transmitted infections and sexual safety. Planned Parenthood has a great info page about HPV that talks about symptoms, testing, and treatment. Read other people's accounts of living with HPV. You can also talk to your doctor about any questions you might have.

If you feel comfortable, ask your partner what he knows about HPV, and if there are any questions he still has about it. There are a lot of misconceptions about STIs, so it’s possible that he’s working with outdated or inaccurate information. That bad information might be causing him to feel unnecessarily guilty or ashamed about his HPV. Don’t underestimate the value of proper education.

Don’t: Expose Yourself To Risk Out Of Guilt

I once got an email from a woman in a similar situation to yours, who ended up having unprotected sex with the guy because she didn’t want him to feel like a leper. It’s nice to want to destigmatize sexually transmitted infections, but it shouldn’t come at the expense of your personal safety.

With your partner, talk about how the two of you can be safe when you’re being intimate. Discuss the risk levels of the activities the two of you like to engage in. Make a commitment to using condoms every time the two of you have sex. You can also talk to your doctor about getting Gardasil, the HPV vaccine. It doesn’t protect against all strains of HPV, but does cover the main cancer-causing ones.

Do: Give It Time

At the end of the day, there is only so much that you can do to help your partner feel better about his HPV. He has a process that he has to go through on his own. Encourage him to talk to his doctor or therapist, or find an HPV support group. Keep letting him know that you support him and aren’t making any judgments about him. Ask him if there’s any other way that you can be there for him.

Good luck!

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Dating Sites for People Living with HPV

There are tons of dating websites available to the many different demographics of the world. There are websites for farmers, Christians, Gold diggers, Interracial couples, herpes dating sites or millionaire dating sites ect. Notoriously, there was even a dating site for adulterers. It’s uncommon in this day and age not to consider a dating website as you are looking for love. Unfortunately, there maybe a few limitations when you’ve tested positive for an STI, especially, one that can be spread to another person.

With HPV, you have to be more cautious. It’s unlike HIV and Herpes, for most people, having it doesn’t mean the infection will last forever. On the other hand, you can just as easily clear your infection of HPV and then get another strain of HPV from a different partner. The goal when having HPV is to be as safe as possible and sometimes you’re putting yourself in more danger than not. Sometimes you can increase your chances of getting cervical cancer because you’re exposed to a different strain.

Now one of the reasons why we would consider a website specifically catered to people who’ve tested positive is because it decreases the anxiety of disclosure. Disclosure can be scary when the person is ignorant of your condition and there is a good chance that you will have to face judgment.

It’s also great because you know that they have it. Both you and your potential partner are routinely tested for cancer and other STI’s. Being tested can add a new set of confidence when becoming sexually active with a new partner.

Surprisingly, there are lots of new websites for those who face this same circumstance and we decided to list the pros and cons of the more popular website of this type.

No.1 Positivesingles.com

You’ve probably heard of this website. In fact, this is the first website that pops up on Google search. One of the reasons why it is so popular is because of how well it caters to people who test positive for the different types of viral sexually transmitted infections. Not only does it offer millions of matches but it is continuously educating it’s users on their condition and how to overcome it. Our favorite feature of this website is the dating advisor. We’ve asked around and have found that they are available even after you’ve began dating your partner. This kind of resource can be somewhat pleasing when you think about the risk that comes with dating someone with HPV.

Dating With Genital Warts

No.2 Hope.dating

Just because this option is second doesn’t mean it’s the second best. We offer this option because it DOES cater to people who suffer from HPV. Unfortunately, it is most useful for those with Herpes. We like to recommend this option because they do a wonderful job making you feel confident after you’ve tested positive. Their blog posts are well written and very informative. They also offer some of the more attractive people. What’s most discouraging about this website is their willingness to display your profile while not being signed up for the website. Being positive for a certain STI can be somewhat discouraging and one can feel a little insecure when you know that your pictures and profile are displayed on the front page of the website.

No.3 H-date.com

Out of all of these websites, H-date is the most inexpensive dating and support site for those who have Herpes and HPV. They thrive on your insecurities because they are very good at convincing you that you can still have a love life. Honestly, they thrive on the fact that you can still have a sex life, the arena that is most dictated by your status. Unlike with Hope.dating, your picture and profile aren’t publicly displayed on the front page of the website. The profiles displayed on these websites are of those who chose to be featured on the website and by you displaying your face; you’re guaranteed to get a couple more views of your profile. The problem we faced was the amount of people who were active during the weekday. One glance on the page can discourage a person from signing up because it appears as though there aren’t very many people online at the moment. We also felt as though the layout was a little outdated. The above websites have features that can appear more advanced then H-date.com

No.4 HPVdatingsite.com

HPVdatingsite is a new but awesome website for those with HPV who want a website that is specific to them. The layout is updated and the set up is simple for those who aren’t very tech savvy. One of the problems that we’ve seen occurs most often is the deceit involved in the dual websites. Some of the free dual websites neglect to disclose which kind of STI the match has thus causing an opportunity for someone to spread a different type of STI to the receiver. When you have a website like HPV dating site you have token away the anxiety that occurs through that deceit. It’s also great because the support system is solely from people who are like you. One of the cons of this website is the lack of resources available on HPV, the disease. One of the reasons why it is such a mysterious disease is due to the lack of research and information being spread about this particular condition.

No.5 STDfriends.com

We had to save the best for last. STDfriends.com is the best free website hands down. Not only can you find a partner, you can also find friends who can support you through your condition. It’s one of the few websites that include an app to supplement the dating site experience. We’ve also found a few articles that can help lessen the anxiety of having HPV. STDfriends.com is honest. It tells you the truth about the risk involved when joining their dating website and offers you great advice on how to succumb those risks. It is a great website to thrive in life while also communicating about your condition to people who understand what you’re going through. For those who want to pay for the premium, it maybe a little steep but remember how advanced the technology is. It is well worth it when comparing the prices to other dating websites that are available.

To be honest, we love the idea that you can take the middle man out of having to disclose your status. Unfortunately, the risk is increased of catching a different strand of HPV and developing cancer. While we want you to have a thriving love life, we also want to warn that you have to be safe.

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